Rishi Sunak Selected as U.K. Prime Minister & U.S. Test Scores Drop | The Daily Show

According to the National Assessment of Educational Progress, US students have suffered a record drop in their math scores. Now many experts say that the two years of COVID disruptions are to blame for this.

 But in my opinion, everyone would do better if the smart kids would just stop hiding their answers. 

I know this is distressing news for all the parents out there. But just remember, this is the best time to cheat your kids out of their allowance. They won't know the difference. 

Yeah, 5 plus 2. Yeah, that's what you get. That's 10. Meanwhile, in San Francisco, officials are coming under fire after it came out that a new public toilet that is being [laughs] built in a popular tourist spot will cost the city $1.7 million-- a single public toilet. Yeah, now, before you complain, remember, this toilet is going to be top of the line. The seat will come pre-peed on. And the graffiti on the walls will be written by George RR Martin. Wow! Oh, in sports news, the Houston Astros swept the Yankees to win a spot in the World Series. And attending the game-- oh, you're going to save those boos because attending the game in New York was Texas Senator Ted Cruz. [booing] Yeah, who was greeted by Yankee fans just like that. [laughter] Yeah, there were a lot of boos, a lot of extended middle fingers, which at this point, people, why does anyone bother? Ted Cruz sees those so often. He may not even be offended, right? He might just think that's how people wave now. Just like, hi. Hello, how are you? Hello. Hi, Ted Cruz. All right, let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day. You know, with food prices going up, gas prices going up, and war crippling Europe, it may be easy to get distracted by short-term problems and lose sight of the long-term problems that will actually kill us all, which is why climate activists are going to extreme measures to get our attention. REPORTER: Another act of food-infused art vandalism, this time with mashed potatoes. That's right. Climate change activists tossed potatoes onto a Claude Monet painting at a German museum. Look at this. Officials there say the painting-- wasn't damaged and that it's covered by glass. 

Last week, activists threw tomato soup onto Vincent van Gogh's Sunflowers at the National Gallery in London. There was some minor damage to the frame, but the painting was unharmed. And in both cases, activists then glued their hands to the wall. Yeah, increasingly, around the world, climate change activists are vandalizing famous art to bring attention to climate change. First, they splashed food on a van Gogh, now a Monet. They also hit a Jackson Pollock, but no one noticed. [laughter] And as much as I agree with the message, I don't know if a museum is a right place to do this. Because think about it. If you protest in the streets, everyone knows it's a protest. But if anything happens in a museum, half the people are just going to think it's part of the art. You know? Yeah, you could be in front of a painting going, I'm having a heart attack! They'd be like, ah, very powerful, very powerful. No, help me! Ah, yes, the cry for help we all feel in the modern world. Bravo, bravo. Also, I feel like, at this point, the problem with climate change isn't a lack of awareness. Right? It's more the fact that a ton of people just don't give a shit. And I stand to be corrected. But I just don't think that those people who don't care about climate change care about fancy art. You know? I doubt your MAGA uncle is going to be like, no, not Monet's Water Lilies! No! All right, you win. You can tax carbon. I agree with you. If anything, these protests might bring more publicity to the art than to climate change. Yeah, like, you tell me, when was the last time you thought about Monet? And sex dreams don't count. [laughter] Like, if I was a painting in a museum right now, I would be begging-- I'd be begging to get some food thrown on me. [laughter] Oh, look, look. Someone's walking up to us right now with a giant bowl of pudding. This could be our big break. Oh, the pudding is-- oh, no, wait. They're just eating it. Oh. What the hell, man? Weird snack to bring to a museum. Oh, come on, people. I want to go viral. Somebody, throw some food at me. Do you know who I hate? The polar bears! I hate them, a bunch of Coke-drinking losers. They deserve to die! Nothing? All right, forget it. I guess back to staring at people's butts all day. Oh, that's a nice butt. Look at that one. Look at that one. Oh. All right. Let's make America's money and move on to China. Over the last decade, Xi Jinping has gradually taken full control of the Chinese Communist Party. He's put his people in all of the top positions. He's pushed out all of his top rivals. And he is the sole owner of the password for the country's Netflix account. Yeah, so no one in China can watch Dahmer without him. He's like, no, don't watch without me! That's one of our shows together. They're like, these are all our shows together!

 We're communists! Anyway-- anyway, over the weekend, President Xi was formally re-upped as communist leader of the party, right? That's what he was-- for an unprecedented third term, which means he will rule over the nation of 1.4 billion people for at least another five years. And if anyone doubts how powerful Xi Jinping has become, just look at how he treated China's previous leader. China's leader, Xi Jinping, is beginning a historic third term in office after being anointed again as the head of the country's Communist Party. But there was an unexpected twist in the normally highly-choreographed Chinese National Congress over the weekend when his predecessor was escorted off the stage. REPORTER: Two aides appear to remove Xi Jinping's predecessor, Hu Jintao, from the front row. Hu appears confused, even resisting, while Xi Jinping shows zero sympathy. Was the 79-year-old Hu unwell? Or was it some kind of political power play? We'll probably never know as the incident has already been scrubbed from Chinese TV and social media. God damn. Yeah, scrubbed from social media and TV, and did you see that? They picked that old man out and just escorted him. They just escorted him out like he was Kanye at a bar mitzvah. [laughter] And did you see Xi Jinping? What's even wilder, he's just sitting there like he can't do anything. Like, the old man taps him like, hey, Xi, you going to do-- he's the most powerful person in China. And he's like, sorry, there-- there must be some rule or something. I'm new here. I don't know. I can't help you. I-- I can't do anything. I don't even know what this means. Was it supposed to send a message? Was it not? Because if it did, I don't think it worked because nobody knows what happened, right? They either took this guy away as some kind of power grab or because he just had one too many Island-iced teas. We don't know, right? Who knows? I mean, I guess we do know that it didn't go according to plan because they scrubbed all the video of it from the internet. They wouldn't do that if they wanted people to see it. It's like your browser history. Yeah, nobody's clearing it because they donated to charity. You know, no one's like, I can't let my wife see what a good person I am. I can't! So, yeah, this is a weird, opaque story that has left everyone guessing. And I guess the only question I have is, can we hire those guys whenever Joe Biden starts rambling in a speech? Can we? Just to bring them in, he's like, (IMITATING BIDEN) I passed a student bill debt with 50 and 100,000 and 56,000 and 150--

 OK, sir, come on with us. Come on. Let's take him to where we hide Kamala. Come on. Let's go. [applause] All right, finally, let's move on from China to a country where the leadership situation is a little less secure, Great Britain. Last week, Liz Truss announced after just 44 days in office she would be stepping down as prime minister. So she could move on to becoming that person who everyone recognizes, but can't quite remember from where. Like, did we go to high school-- oh! You were the prime minister! Oh, so sorry about that. Anyway, can I have two large popcorns, please, and-- Anyway, Liz Truss is gone. 

And it looks like the UK's got a brand new man. We begin in the United Kingdom, which is about to get its third prime minister in less than two months. Just a short time ago, the ruling Conservative Party announced that former Finance Minister Rishi Sunak won the race to become party leader and prime minister. REPORTER: Rishi Sunak will become this country's first-ever prime minister of color, first-ever Asian prime minister, and first-ever Hindu prime minister. REPORTER: Rishi Sunak-- not only the first person of color to walk through 10 Downing but also the youngest prime minister here in about two centuries, really a historic day. REPORTER: A former investment banker, he and his wife are reported to be among the country's richest people. It is the greatest privilege of my life to be able to serve the party I love and give back to the country I owe so much to. Yeah, that's right. The UK's new prime minister is former Finance Minister Rishi Sunak. And he's Indian. He's Hindu. And he's only 42 years old, which means he will probably serve well into his 42 and a half easily. [laughter] And let's not forget-- [applause] Let's not forget another important first. He's also the first prime minister who's an absolute snack. Yeah. Oh, look at you, Rishi. And before you're thinking, oh, is he, don't forget who came before. Don't forget. We're moving on up. [cheering] Now, of course-- of course, not everyone in the UK is happy about Rishi Sunak taking the top spot and making history. And it's not because of his policies or because of his personality. No, some people have a problem with something else, as this caller to a British radio show so eloquently explained. Is the real problem here, Jerry, that Rishi Sunak is a Brown man, and you don't trust him at the top of this country? Yeah. Yeah, this guy has a good point. Can you imagine if white English people wanted to rule countries where no one looked like them? Oh, that would never happen. Can you imagine that world? What would that world be like? [cheering] [laughs] Now you know what's so funny to me? It's funny how racists always say, oh, colonization was fine. It was business--

 until they feel like they were being colonized. Then all of a sudden, it's like, something needs to be done! Something needs to be done! Not even being colonized-- the guy is British. What's wrong with you? And if you ask me, British racists are looking at this whole thing all wrong. This could be a good thing for you people. After 400 years, you'll finally get to legitimately blame a Brown person for your country's problems. You're living your dreams! Wake up! [applause] I mean, there is a part of me-- there's a part of me that feels a little bad for England's racists. No, because remember-- remember, they voted for Brexit specifically to keep Britain white. And that vote started a seven-year chain of dominoes that has now led directly to an Indian Prime Minister. [cheering] Oh, man. 

Yeah, they're probably like, (BRITISH ACCENT) oh, this is certainly a rich irony at my expense, isn't it? Yeah. And here's the thing. Keep in mind, this caller even says that he is Tory. So this is the same party as Rishi Sunak, right, which means they probably agree on all the same policies. He just doesn't like that he's not white, which I don't understand. I truly don't understand. What are you scared of? Huh? What is this caller scared of? Does he think Sunak is going to walk up to the podium on his first day in office and be like, (BRITISH ACCENT) it is the greatest privilege of my life to be able to give back to the country I owe so much to? And to show my gratitude, I just want to say, (INDIAN ACCENT) I'm selling the entire country to India! That's right. Revenge time, you bastards. This was the plan the whole time. Happy Diwali, mother bitches! [laughter] It's not going to happen, you racists. All right, that's it for the headlines. Before we go to break, it's time to check in on all the latest social media trends with our very own Ronny Chieng, everybody! [cheering] Hey, Trevor, all right. Let's see what's blowing up social media today. We got Taylor Swift, anti-Semitism, Tom Brady, and the usual. But what's lighting social media in England up right now is the new prime minister of the week, Rishi Sunak. And I know everyone is really excited that this is the first Asian prime minister. But let's be clear. Indians are not Asians, OK? OK? They're still people, great people. They're just not Asian people, OK? No, no, no. Answer me this. If this guy is Asian, how come when he became prime minister, I felt absolutely nothing? [laughter] I mean, when I was down at Dim Sum Palace this morning, I and the fellas weren't like, oh, shit, that's me up there! I feel seen. I love how Indians try to have it both ways, like, being Indian and Asian. Pick a lane, OK? Yeah, I bet if I show up in a Bollywood film, I'm just going to blend right in, right? Because we're all just one people, just having a good time. Also, speaking of Asians and Indians, real quick, you mentioned America's math scores were dropping since COVID or something, right? I mean, math scores in America were bad before COVID. How could they get any worse? Like, the question used to be, what time did a train leave the station? Now you got to explain what a [bleep] train is. But the biggest trending story has got to be the climate change art protester videos. And my question is, who the hell is doing museum security these days? You see people walking in with two buckets of mashed potatoes and a high-visibility vest, and you don't think anything is going on. Were you caught by surprise? They're not exactly sneaking around. I mean, if people show up in high-visibility construction vests, just keep an eye on them, OK? Just imagine this Venn diagram. It's really simple. In one circle, you've got people wearing construction vests. In the other circle, you've got people with no upper body strength, OK? Now, when they overlap in the middle there, those are climate activists. [cheering] OK? Make sure you check every cavity for sloppy joes. Also, the worst part is this painting wasn't even expecting it. At least throw it at a ready painting. I mean, see, this guy knows some bad shit's about to go down. All right, what are you even doing? What? Throwing guacamole at art isn't going to change anything, all right? The only people who care about art are pretentious douchebags. Like, check out this tweet I found online for some random moron, all right? Look. Look at this all. Oh my god. At the Louvre. I saw Mona Lisa for the first time. Is she smiling or not? It's so powerful. Everyone should see it. [laughter] Oh, really? Do you think everyone should see the most famous painting ever? What a great discovery. I mean, I wonder what else this guy likes. Do you like the Beatles, Breaking Bad? Let me guess. You gave Oxygen five stars. I mean, how basic can a bitch get? Whoever he is. Back to you, Trevor. [cheering] I think that was a great tweet. Ronny Chieng, everybody.